How The Straight Porn Industry Killed Dave Slick

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It’s no secret that Dave Slick and I were extremely close.  It’s pretty rare in this industry that I vibe well on all levels with one person.  I do tend to focus on work, projects, performing and the business side of the industry.  I try not to feed into crap, so to speak.  I take a lot of performers and what they say they are going to do with a grain of salt, because let’s face it, most lack basic follow-through. Dave’s death hit me really hard!  It hit me so hard that I went into a shell.  This shell could not be penetrated.  I shunned everyone who asked about him.  I shunned everyone who asked about me.  I hated everyone overnight.  My direction was clear.  I will work my ass off harder and make myself more successful than anyone and say fuck you to everyone! But after some reflection and nearly two full months since his death, I am ready to face it.  I am going to take you on a journey here.  This is more for me, than it is for you, but I am making this public so you can understand and maybe even relate to it in some way.

Dave and I met virtually on Chaturbate over a year ago.  Those of you who get my humor or watch my cam shows know that I talk about anything and everything. I play this game with fans in my room called, “Let’s see who’s hot.”  I go through the other cam models who are broadcasting and if they are hot, I go tip them.  Well, I came across Dave Slick.  Why the fuck does this seemingly average guy have over 800 viewers?  I went into his room and was immediately drawn in.  He manages to run his chat from a business perspective.  He would shut people down who had not intention to be apart of the process.  I admired this.  He would set goals.  For example, when he reaches 1000 tokens, he would get naked.  But not just that, he would keep the viewers’ eyes on the goal with an intermittent  utterance of “boom, boom, boom.”  I dropped the remaining tokens to reach the goal.  I wanted to see why the chat was so full.  Maybe he is sitting on a secret? He took his jeans off and he had an impressive cock.  But this wasn’t what it was about.  He built relationships with his viewers.  They all seemed to know him.  But the reality is, nobody really knew him.

Dave and I would continue to visit each other virtually and text on and off till his death.  Dave’s mind never rested. He was always looking for ways to succeed in the adult industry.  He was very fucking smart and had an amazing entrepreneurial spirit that I related to immediately.  Dave and I never talked about sexuality.  I always just assumed he was gay for pay and I never had a problem with that.

I met Dave for the first time in person at Exxxotica in NJ last year.  I was working the booth for Cam4 and he was doing Chaturbate.  We hung out a ton that weekend.  We did meals, coffee, conversation etc.  I made an off the cuff comment that I didn’t belong at this event since it was mostly the straight porn industry.  I didn’t feel welcome.  I had a small line of gay fans who came out just to meet me, but I felt weird there.  Like people wanted to kick my ass.  Dave confided in me that I should be happy I don’t have to deal with the straight side.  That he was cursed because he is a cross-over performer.  I scoffed at him.  I called bullshit.  In my mind, he had more financial opportunities because he can get booked in all porn.  He then confided in me how bad it really was.  Hundreds of thousands of messages threatening him to stay away from women. Hate speech.  Female performers blackballing him.  Agents blackballing him.  So much hate!  Now you all know, hate to me is nothing.  I could give two shits who hates me.  That is their issue, not mine.  But when he showed me a note that was slid under his hotel room door threatening to kill him if they see him alone.  I invited him to stay with me.  It was bad.

A month later, I flew to Arizona to do a series of cam shows with Dave.  Let’s face it.  Dave was the best!  I am a porn performer, not a cam model.  There is a huge difference.  Dave picked me up at the airport…well, in an Uber.  I was so happy.  It was like I was with someone who could really understand me.  We did three shows over the weekend.  Dave loved that I was so comedic.  I loved that he was super chill and up to learn anything.  I taught him how to fuck on camera so that the fans can see it.  He taught me how to wait to get the money before I start pushing cream pies out.   I met his rescue dog, Katy.  I had just had to put down my dog of 11 years a few weeks before I flew to AZ. I just started crying when I met Katy.  I asked Dave why he chose her.  He told me something that sticks to me to this day, “Nobody wanted her and nobody really wants me, so…it’s a match made in heaven.”

Dave and I talked a lot of business that weekend.  Some of my site ideas, some of his ideas.  I linked him up with one of my business partners to get started on his new concept.  He had some amazing stuff he was working on!  We got to talking about porn and awards shows.  Dave cherished Xbiz and his cam awards.  I won a few awards over the years, but I didn’t have the same attitude Dave did.  I see it as just a piece of acrylic.  I will still work hard and continue on. Dave sees it as acceptance and validation.  Something he never got on the straight side of the industry.  It makes sense now.  But back then, I thought he was nuts to waste time and money going to all that bullshit.

Dave asked me flat out, “Billy, do you think I should take the step into gay porn?”  I told him it would be brilliant if he could get an exclusive deal.  The reason being is that he is already famous in the cam world.  All he needs is a level of fame to drive a different customer to his cam shows.  The gay porn customer!  He signed exclusive with Falcon Studios!

Dave called me daily after this.  He was my support when hate blogs were attacking me.  I was his support when the straight side would attack him.  I told him I was joining the APAG Union- a group of D-list former performers on the straight side who recruited me to represent the gay side of the industry.  He warned me immediately that they are anti-gay and aren’t for equality.  I told him they seem nice to me.  Well, Dave was right in the end.  I learned then exactly how true Dave’s hardships were on the straight side of the industry.  I had people emailing me hate JUST for joining the union!! Imagine if I fucked their women.

Dave and I continued to text daily.  He told me about his first shoot.  I mean, I warned him.  He was annoyed at how long it took to film a porn scene.  I told Dave, Falcon can’t get shit done in less than 8 hours.  He first scene was 13 hours long. He called me and said, “No wonder you only want to make real iPhone vids.”  Dave always made me laugh.  Porn was increasing his visibility which is exactly what he wanted. But with fame comes the downside.  He was getting more hate from the straight side.  Not just emails or Chaturbate messages this time.  He got a gig performing at Flex Spas in Cleveland.  When he returned to his room at the facility, there was a post-it note on the door saying “I’m going to rape your hole faggot. You’ll remember us, Dave.”  When he showed it to me, I told him to make it a thing.  Don’t just brush it under the rug like all the rest.  Now people are following him!  He told the manager of the spa.  They did nothing.  I told him to go check into a hotel.  I wanted to do blog posts about it, but Dave didn’t want me to do that.  He wanted it to just go away.  I told him it wouldn’t.  A bully never goes away, he needs to be punched in the face to go away.  Right, Zach Sire?  Sorry, I had to throw that in.

Dave invited me to do Xbiz Miami in May, but I was booked up.  In turn, I invited him to come do Gay Pride in Washington DC.  We would do some cam shows, see the city, talk business.  I missed my friend and was excited he was willing to do it.  But, he told me he committed to do Exxxotica Chicago the same weekend.  I told him to blow it off and I made an bad joke saying, “The straights don’t want you there anyway. Come be with people who love and accept you for you.”  Those of you who know Dave know that he cherished Chaturbate and would do anything for them.  I respect that.  He texted me when he landed in Chicago, “Billy, I think I should have come to DC.”  I have the chills just typing that.  Those are the last words Dave ever said to me.

As the weekend progressed, I was partying in DC.  It was late Saturday night and I may have been intoxicated and dancing and having a blast.  It was gay pride.  There had been a few recent gay bashings in DC since Trump took office so this had more of a liberation feel to it.  One of my habits is that I never have my phone on or on me when I am at bars or being social.  I like to live in the moment.  After I got into the Uber, I turned my phone on and had 20+ messages.  Nobody could get a hold of Dave.  Asking me if I could try.  I laughed, ” Dave wants to be left alone, just leave him alone.”  Then my friend Amy called me and told me the news.  I dropped the phone. I lost it.  I was so angry!  I took to twitter attacking everyone. I threatened to beat-up straight people on the street for being straight.  I felt powerless.  I knew in my heart what happened. Dave did NOT relapse.  The hate was getting to him.  He started getting more the second he arrive in Chicago.  He texted me wishing he had come to DC.  I was so mad!  I got home and laid on the floor in fetal position and cried my eyes out.  I had my boyfriend and new comer Nic Sahara with me.  I was crushed.  I was angry.  I was hurt.  I was worried about Katy.  I couldn’t calm down. I took a pill to sleep.  When I woke up, I thought it was a nightmare.  I checked my phone. Why couldn’t this be a nightmare??  I immediate jumped in an Uber to see my ex-husband Seth Santoro.  We had a very bad marriage and an even harder divorce. So much damage was done.  I needed to tell him that I loved him and I never want him to hurt himself.  I needed to know he was ok. When I walked into Seth’s apartment, he hugged me. I broke down in tears apologizing for everything I’ve done to him.  For damaging his sweet soul.  I don’t want to lose anymore people I love.  Seth always knows how to console me.  He let me just cry.  Then he hugged me and helped me go home.

In the days that followed, I slept.  When I say I slept, I mean I slept for 16 hours on and off.  Then I flew to Vegas to shoot porn.  I bottled it up. I sit here now reliving it all.  I am crying my eyes out.  I have read a ton of the tribute articles about Dave.  They are all valid and true.  But they left a ton out about what happened.  Dave is dead because he was a bisexual man trying to live his best life in the adult industry.  He was a man!  He had feelings!  He had insecurities!  He was human! They say you shouldn’t place blame; that this was nobody’s fault.  Well, I am placing blame.  Dave Slick was not Straight.  Dave Slick was a sexual minority who was bullied and bashed repeatedly until he took his own life.  Why is it ok to call out those who harassed August Ames, but not those who harassed Dave Slick?  I will tell you why.  Because homophobia and hate are the seeds that flourish in the straight side of the porn industry.  I don’t see that changing in my life time.  I just hope that the next victim of it isn’t someone you love.

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Billy,
Thank you for your heartfelt writing about Dave. I never met him of course, but I was one of his many fans on Chaturbate. He just lit up the screen with his personality, his love of Katy, and his no nonsense approach to being on cam. I can still clearly hear him saying “come on folks, boom boom boom!”. I had chatted with him on Chaturbate and his twitter account, and could not believe the news that he had died. As a fan I miss him. As his friend, I can well understand you truly deep sense of loss.

I am honestly amazed that any crossover performers exist at all considering the amount of crap they have to deal with. So sad that Dave took his own life. No one ever deserves the treatment he took. Take care of yourself Billy, you are loved, as was Dave. xx

Very upsetting. I was saddened by the news and now just sickened to think of what he had experienced. Not feeling it for the straight porn industry gotta say!

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