Once upon a time, a brand new model with less than a year under his belt in the industry was nominated for multiple Grabby Awards. He elected not to attend the awards as he decided that awards not chosen by fans and do not include ALL genres of porn are just not real or fair. He went on to win Web Performer of the Year in 2014. That new model was me. I didn’t go. I received tons of calls and texts from my peers telling me I won. They seemed so proud! I was puzzled, “What the fuck is a web performer?” I was later told it is the performer with the best online content. Then I just shook my head and turned to my ex-husband, “Um, don’t was all have online content?” Anyway….
The next year, 2015, I was asked to co-host the awards show. I arrived for a five day weekend. I worked at IML, I did a live show with my then husband, Seth Santoro, I won Web Performer of the Year for the second year in a row. The awards didn’t mean much to me for the previously stated reason, but I learned something more valuable. The chance to be around my fellow performers, producers, etc and share in a celebration of what we love is what it’s all about.
In 2016, I came to the Grabbys for my last time. This time a lot had changed over the years. I was dipping my toe into bareback performing at a time when the Grabbys were not recognizing bareback studios. I was also becoming more outspoken and confident in my views which do not typically line up with the status quo. I had also started my first website: LeakedandLoaded.com which started the trend of performers making their own homemade content and posting it online for payment. My goals were two-fold with the site. 1) To enable performers to generate revenue without depending on studios to book them. 2) To provide the consumer with REAL SEX. This rubbed a lot of the producers the wrong way. I received a ton of emails reiterating that exclusive models are “owned” by the studio and I am not to accept any submissions by them. To which, of course, I replied, “fuck you, you own nobody. Sex contracts are 100% illegal.” Please remind me of a time where a model was sued for violating a sex contract. Never! I say all that to say that I went into the awards show a little jaded, maybe mildly bitter. But all that was alleviated when I started to run into my friends. It reminded me that this pomp and circumstance is just an excuse to get everyone together and that is why I was there.
I haven’t returned to an awards show since then. I just want to advise those of you who truly deserve accolades for your work and you may not win because the winner is chosen by a handful of people who may have never worked with you, you are a star regardless! Take it all with a grain of salt. Back in 2015, I presented best bottom. It was obvious to everyone in the room that Armond Rizzo was the winner. I expected to say his name when I opened the envelope. But he wasn’t the choice! A new model with Falcon Studios who had filmed less than 25 scenes won the award. I shook my head and chuckled. That’s all you can do. Armond was upset. I remember him leaving the room when I made the announcement. He deserved that accolade. So guys, don’t get hung up on who wins and who doesn’t. Cherish the moment to see your peers and make a ton of OnlyFans and JustForFans content! Put you first!